I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
