I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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