I accidentally burped into my bong.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
