I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i barfeds in our rink
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
