No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
