Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
