just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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