This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
