We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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