I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
