I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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