there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
