If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
