Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
