BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
