wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
