some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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