if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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