Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
