Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
be right there i have to get my cape
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
