Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
