just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
