normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
