so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
