I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
