I murdered the dance floor call the cops
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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