two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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