I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
What changed your mind?
Being sober
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
