i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
