I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
