I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
