so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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