your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
