She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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