I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
