I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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