I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
