some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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