i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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