My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
