I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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