for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
