last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
