You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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