So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
