I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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