i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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