I love black thongs
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
