Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
