facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
