i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
