I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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