we have pet lesbian snakes
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
