im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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