nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
